If you purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Air Lines one year ago, you would have $49 today! If you bought $1000 of shares in AIG you would have $33. If you purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers you would have $0 today. But, if you purchased $1000 worth of beer, drank all the beer, turned in the aluminium cans for recycling, you would have $214. Therefore the best current investment plan is to drink heavily and recycle."
Via Column 8. Couldn't find the original source though.